Published in: Christian Life

Why is rejection painful? How to understand your pain?

Author Hari Rao

Published on: September 5, 2016

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Rejection stinks!

Feeling unwanted and not good enough is never a pleasant experience. It often leaves us feeling smaller and lesser. Being rejected makes us question our self-worth and second guess everything we have believed in. Rejection stinks!

But why does it hurt so much?

“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything.” – Timothy Keller

All of us have an innate need to be acknowledged, accepted and loved. There is a yearning for connection in our hearts, it gives us a sense of belonging, safety, commonality and purpose. To feel at home is what we crave for in the deepest recesses of our hearts.

[tweetthis url=”http://goo.gl/9NhjA6″ twitter_handles=”@hariraopawar”] To be known and not loved is our greatest fear – Timothy Keller[/tweetthis]

We feel rejected when someone makes the promise of meeting all these intimate needs but fail to keep the promise. All these desires and expectations that were built up are suddenly crushed.

Vulnerability is compromised

Vulnerability is a rare gift in a relationship. It’s magic on the borderline of disaster. Few relationships arrive to this point in their intimacy, to be vulnerable with each other. It’s in honest vulnerability that trust is forged. It’s beautiful.

However, rejecting someone when we have seen their most vulnerable side, is one of the scariest thing we can do to people and we may cripple them emotionally and spiritually for life. We break trust, when we hurt people when they are most vulnerable.

[tweetthis url=”http://goo.gl/9NhjA6″ twitter_handles=”@hariraopawar”]Vulnerability is a rare gift in a relationship. It’s magic on the borderline of disaster.[/tweetthis]

Rejection amputates our ability to trust

I’m not sure what is worse, the act of rejection itself or the consequential self-doubt, hatred, suspicion and distrust toward everything we have believed in.

The process in itself is very demanding and takes a lot out from us. But the worst of these woes is that we inherit memories that may continue to haunt us several years in the future. These memories could potentially prevent us from trusting again.

What now?

If you made it this far in the blog post chances are it’s beginning to feel rather abysmal, but understanding why we are hurting is one of the best coping mechanism we can employ to overcome rejection and pain.

So give yourself permission and the time to understand your hurt and to heal, eventually.

[tweetthis url=”http://goo.gl/9NhjA6″ twitter_handles=”@hariraopawar”]So give yourself permission and the time to understand your hurt and to heal, eventually. [/tweetthis]

I will share more in the next blog post on how to overcome rejection, if you haven’t subscribed now is a good time signup, its free!

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